I had a similar reaction to Jason's video and your piece of writing here. Yes, it's good to be fully alive, engaged, and confident. But it's even more important to be wise and good -- and that requires self-examination about ways we're falling short.
I accept most of your premises, and will bypass any discussion of child-rearing practices because that is a very large topic.
What does come to mind while reading and reflecting on your essay here is that it is very common to hold in our twenties and thirties to a heroic view of life, in which we feel our willpower can almost always yield the results we desire. While with age we arrive at acceptance that many things, including a range of human suffering, may be beyond our control.
If our twenties and thirties are more about being energized and creative, our forties and fifties (and our beyond) are more about being wise and good. If our rising-adult years are more about excitement, our midlife and elder years are more about cultivation.
Mike- Thank you so so much for this comment. It's so thoughtful and generally great. I had to get on my computer and reply it sparked so many thoughts of my own. I haven't watched the video yet, but I will. As you accurately say without saying, this is definitely the essay of a 28yo. I think I'll look back on it with both interest and fondness one day, lol.
For sure, child-rearing is a large topic. It's fun writing territory for me because I know I can't really know until I'm there, and that removes the burden of knowing anything at all, letting me just wonder.
I think it's beautiful what your wrote about the "heroic view of life." I'm sure it's true. Again, it's hard to know without having the perspective, so thank you. I do wonder, though, if you don't still feel like the "hero" of your story? It's hard for me to imagine how anyone couldn't. Also, for me, I'm painfully aware things could very well not work out / be out of my control. I think that's what a lot of my growth has been lately, in fact. Realizing: hey, chances are, shit's not going to work out how you imagine . . . are you prepared to do all this work for that likely result?
I wonder if both are true: perhaps "arriving at acceptance that many things [are] beyond our control" but continuing to believe "our will power can almost always yield the results we desire" is a model of heroism.
Guess I'll find out, in time.
Also, I love that you started your final paragraph with "if." To me, that implies the truth of the situation: that each stage of life is necessary for the next one i.e. there is no bypassing this essay, skipping the lessons, the heroic period, etc etc. One thing leads to the next.
However, I hope I can still be creative AND good. Energized AND good. I don't know that I can make any claims to wisdom at 28, but I think I can to being good, using my intuition, making good and fair choices. I don't think confidence compromises goodness, although, for some, it certainly can. And even then, I'm sure it's unawareness rather than anything else -- not that that excuses it.
All in all, looking for ward to continued creativity and cultivation.
I was just listening to a Podcast yesterday that introduced the phrase “Choose your delusions - helpful over harmful”. Essentially we all perceive reality differently, so we are all delusional in a sense (they pointed out severely depressed people may be the least delusional - but is that what we want?).
So I’m choosing my positive delusions now lol. We’ll see how it goes 🤷♀️
Yeah I relate to this. As an artist myself (a bit of hack one but one nonetheless) I find it helpful to have a can do attitude. I’m a bit that way in life too. I figure if something doesn’t go my way or someone doesn’t like me etc. it’s no biggy. Just move along. No harm done. I think those who harbour inner self doubt and suffer anxiety need to remind themselves that this is THEIR life, that it’s the only one they will know. Bring the weight of your character to bear ... people generally respond well to that confidence or authenticity - call it what you will. Too much obedience in this world. Be you, the world will love it.
Yes, yes, yes. This is exactly how I’m raising my son. He is so damn confident and I couldn’t be more proud. He’s not even two but when we walk into a room full of kids and adults and teachers for his gymnastics class he immediately leaves my side and adventures with no fear, no looking back, no wondering, “can I do this?” He just does it and is filled with joy in the process. He walks around saying “happy” and he claps for himself anytime he does something he’s proud of. I love how he’s not afraid to celebrate himself. Anyway, all this to say, do it. Raise your kids this way. I am 100% with you. The world is hard enough + will try to break you down, and in those times, confidence is key.
Love this. And I do see a direct correlation between feeling self-permission to do things (confidence) and a willingness to stand in your joy. This parenting trophy is yours 🏆
This reminded me of the short video by Jason Silva about the unconflicted person:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtAaUNaQy98&t=27s
I had a similar reaction to Jason's video and your piece of writing here. Yes, it's good to be fully alive, engaged, and confident. But it's even more important to be wise and good -- and that requires self-examination about ways we're falling short.
I accept most of your premises, and will bypass any discussion of child-rearing practices because that is a very large topic.
What does come to mind while reading and reflecting on your essay here is that it is very common to hold in our twenties and thirties to a heroic view of life, in which we feel our willpower can almost always yield the results we desire. While with age we arrive at acceptance that many things, including a range of human suffering, may be beyond our control.
If our twenties and thirties are more about being energized and creative, our forties and fifties (and our beyond) are more about being wise and good. If our rising-adult years are more about excitement, our midlife and elder years are more about cultivation.
Mike- Thank you so so much for this comment. It's so thoughtful and generally great. I had to get on my computer and reply it sparked so many thoughts of my own. I haven't watched the video yet, but I will. As you accurately say without saying, this is definitely the essay of a 28yo. I think I'll look back on it with both interest and fondness one day, lol.
For sure, child-rearing is a large topic. It's fun writing territory for me because I know I can't really know until I'm there, and that removes the burden of knowing anything at all, letting me just wonder.
I think it's beautiful what your wrote about the "heroic view of life." I'm sure it's true. Again, it's hard to know without having the perspective, so thank you. I do wonder, though, if you don't still feel like the "hero" of your story? It's hard for me to imagine how anyone couldn't. Also, for me, I'm painfully aware things could very well not work out / be out of my control. I think that's what a lot of my growth has been lately, in fact. Realizing: hey, chances are, shit's not going to work out how you imagine . . . are you prepared to do all this work for that likely result?
I wonder if both are true: perhaps "arriving at acceptance that many things [are] beyond our control" but continuing to believe "our will power can almost always yield the results we desire" is a model of heroism.
Guess I'll find out, in time.
Also, I love that you started your final paragraph with "if." To me, that implies the truth of the situation: that each stage of life is necessary for the next one i.e. there is no bypassing this essay, skipping the lessons, the heroic period, etc etc. One thing leads to the next.
However, I hope I can still be creative AND good. Energized AND good. I don't know that I can make any claims to wisdom at 28, but I think I can to being good, using my intuition, making good and fair choices. I don't think confidence compromises goodness, although, for some, it certainly can. And even then, I'm sure it's unawareness rather than anything else -- not that that excuses it.
All in all, looking for ward to continued creativity and cultivation.
Thanks again, Mike. Truly.
[they cut me off]
certainly does. Even then, though, I'm sure that's mostly unawareness -- not that that excuses it.
All in all, thank you Mike. This was great. Truly.
A very impressive and thoughtful response, Matt. I don't have anything to add at the moment.
Hey Matt! If you like Attack on Titan, you should check out My Hero Academia on Hulu or Crunchyroll. I think you would really like it.:).
D.K.! Thanks so much for the recommendation. I will definitely check it out as soon as I finish AOT. Appreciate it! Have a good one.
I was just listening to a Podcast yesterday that introduced the phrase “Choose your delusions - helpful over harmful”. Essentially we all perceive reality differently, so we are all delusional in a sense (they pointed out severely depressed people may be the least delusional - but is that what we want?).
So I’m choosing my positive delusions now lol. We’ll see how it goes 🤷♀️
Yeah I relate to this. As an artist myself (a bit of hack one but one nonetheless) I find it helpful to have a can do attitude. I’m a bit that way in life too. I figure if something doesn’t go my way or someone doesn’t like me etc. it’s no biggy. Just move along. No harm done. I think those who harbour inner self doubt and suffer anxiety need to remind themselves that this is THEIR life, that it’s the only one they will know. Bring the weight of your character to bear ... people generally respond well to that confidence or authenticity - call it what you will. Too much obedience in this world. Be you, the world will love it.
Yes, yes, yes. This is exactly how I’m raising my son. He is so damn confident and I couldn’t be more proud. He’s not even two but when we walk into a room full of kids and adults and teachers for his gymnastics class he immediately leaves my side and adventures with no fear, no looking back, no wondering, “can I do this?” He just does it and is filled with joy in the process. He walks around saying “happy” and he claps for himself anytime he does something he’s proud of. I love how he’s not afraid to celebrate himself. Anyway, all this to say, do it. Raise your kids this way. I am 100% with you. The world is hard enough + will try to break you down, and in those times, confidence is key.
Love this. And I do see a direct correlation between feeling self-permission to do things (confidence) and a willingness to stand in your joy. This parenting trophy is yours 🏆
"a willingness to stand in your joy." - beautiful.
Loved this!! Self-concept directly translates to how we see the world. Thank you :)
Listen to your fiancé and instead shrink your ego a tad bit. But not as an artist. NEVER AS AN ARTIST
Confidence is a good thing 👌
Exuding confidence from self love which translates to love that others can receive from what you confidently share YASS.
Changes by Charles Bradley is fantastic